Whisper
by kasviel
Summary: After an unwanted visit to the past, Josef is left vulnerable, and a certain friend steps in to ease the grief. Love may die, but can friendship last forever? Josef's POV, Mick/Josef slash m/m , comfort fic, one-shot.


**Whisper**

**Author's Notes:** My experience with CBS' show, "Moonlight", is rather recent and limited, but I couldn't really resist writing this. It's a one-shot, Mick/Josef, and takes place after the "Sleeping Beauty" episode. The theme and mood is set to Evanescence's song "Whisper". After Beth leaves, Mick is left with the task of comforting his rarely-broken friend, and old feelings are rekindled and strengthened. The entire thing is from Josef's point of view (POV), which isn't something that has been done on the show yet. Of course, he is reeling from his visit to his past in New York, so it's the vamp's softer side. When all the walls come down, he can actually be more caring than most of his kind, even though he personally hates this fact. More annoying and wonderful still is that no matter what, Mick St. John is still by his side, and possibly always will be.

My first attempt with these characters, so be gentle. I hope you enjoy it!

* * *

_You can run and hide. One town, another, a year, two hundred, whatever. But the past is its own entity sometimes, and, corny as it sounds, it will always come back and . . . well, **bite** you._

**New York**

The moon was high in the sky that night, clean and full and beautiful over the city like a giant silver mirror. So much as he wanted to hate it, Josef Konstantin could not help but stray to the window to peer up at it. Behind him, the woman whose life he had stolen slept on, beautiful, perfect, like that moon . . .

The pain welled within the boyish-looking four-hundred-year-old and he averted his gaze to the streets. He smiled a bittersweet smile, shaking his head. The story was happening once again, same old tale: vampire falls in love with mortal.

Josef glanced back up at the moon as he recalled the words he had told his friend, Mick St. John,

_"I just hope the universe is on your side."_

But somehow, Josef doubted it was. Nature didn't seem to side with the perverse very often. Mick loved the mortal woman, Beth Turner; he had spent so many years watching her grow and live after saving her life from his vampire ex-wife's, Coraline, clutches, that the intimacy was natural. It was almost paternal, but intensely sexual, and had the familiarity of blood coursing through the veins.

_That's the problem, though,_ Josef thought. _Blood **doesn't** course through our veins. We have to steal it from them, from the mortals. When they're in our arms, we will always feel the rush of their blood, and we will always want it. We will want to tear into their softness, rape their vulnerability, devour them-- And that's not just a metaphor. We literally want to eat them. The sexuality can override that sometimes, but it's always there, like a monster clawing to get out of your body._

Josef glanced back at Sarah in the bed, comatose after his failed attempt to turn her into a vampire and make their love immortal. Her diary lay on the bedside table, but he hadn't been able to read it yet. Beth had read some of it, and she had told him,

_"She really loved you."_

And that was the problem.

She loved him.

Josef looked back to the street, only to see Mick shut Beth in the taxi. He frowned a little in perplexion as the little yellow car sped off into the night. He thought he caught a snatch of their conversation through his thoughts from the window; she was worried about her human boyfriend, Josh, and wanted to go home. Mick had let her go.

_They're scared, both of them. They're scared because of what happened to Sarah and I._

_I can't say I'm disappointed. If this reality hit them hard enough to tear them apart, they're better off apart. If they can't even see a reflection of the truth they're on the verge of living out, no way they'd ever make it together._

Josef opened the window, and the city air blew in against his pale skin. It felt good. He had missed the mingle of smells in this city, and the scent of concrete and cold. Glancing back at Sarah forelornly, he climbed onto the ledge and jumped out.

"That's a little annoying," Mick said, turning around. "Were you spying on me?"

"Just a little," Josef smirked. "Hey, what happened? New York, night, woman-- What went wrong?"

"You mean you don't know?" Mick asked doubtfully.

"Ah. Yeah, that. That vampire/mortal tragedy thing." Josef shook his head, patting Mick's shoulder heartily. "Don't I know?"

Mick looked him up and down. "You aren't one to mourn for very long, are you?"

Josef shook his head, smiling wistfully. "No. Let's get a drink."

Mick stopped. "What kind of a drink?"

"Don't worry, I'm not in the mood for blood tonight."

Mick put a hand to Josef's forehead. "Are you all right?" he asked dramatically. "That mercenary didn't line the stake with silver or anything, did he?"

"Knock it off," grumbled Josef, hitting his hand away. "I'm fine."

Mick could tell this was a lie; he had never seen his much older, callous, shallow friend this shaken. He seemed paler than even usual, and weak, but not out of hunger for blood . . . Mick saw that his insatiable hunger all these years stemmed from something else, something even stronger than that carnal yearning . . .

Mick slung an arm around Josef's shoulders, and the man's eyes widened. If he had blood, he probably would have blushed.

"Don't get all sentimental on me, again!" he exclaimed, though he did not move the arm away. "Sheesh. I have one love story, and you go all Mercutio on me."

"Trust me, I still don't think of you as any kind of vampire-Romeo, okay?" Mick laughed. "But . . . "

"_What_?" Josef asked testily.

"It's just so cute, you having a mortal love," Mick bothered him. "I never would have guessed. We've known each other, what? Over fifty years? And you keep this from me?"

"I figured you were biased enough, without hearing me of all people admit to having made the same mistake you want to make," Josef explained. "Are you kidding me? I never would have heard the end of it from you!" He started mimicking Mick's serious, lower tone, " 'You're a hypocrite.' and 'Well, you had your chance, why can't I?' "

Mick just laughed.

"No way I was going to invite that!" Josef said. "You're strict enough as it is."

"Strict? Come on, I'm not--"

Josef finally shook Mick's arm from his shoulders. "You're a stick in the mud." His voice was loud on the empty night street, as he walked ahead of the laidback Mick. "I've seen so much, done so much . . . But you never trust me. You never let my age sink in, no matter what I say. You've always just thought I was an arrogant prick."

"You are an arrogant prick."

"Regardless, you should respect what I say more," Josef said, walking with his hands behind his back now. "Didn't you ever think there was a reason for my words?"

"No, actually," Mick admitted. "I just thought you were being a judgemental, human-hating monster."

"I was. That isn't the point! The point is, I had my reasons."

"It hurts, doesn't it?" Mick asked softly, coming up beside him. "You do understand."

"I understand," grumbled Josef, kicking at the curb. "I understand . . . a lot of things, okay?" He stopped walking and looked up into Mick's eyes, so decievingly human and full of emotion, youth (by vampire standards). "I just don't want you to end up understanding it all personally, do you know what I mean?"

"You're so full of surprises tonight," Mick commented, mildly amused. "Josef, you've been trying to protect me?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I--" Josef threw his hands up, not comfortable with emotion. "I don't know why! You're so irritating!" he complained loudly, walking away from the man. "I don't know why I don't just plug you with silver and end your angst and misery, okay? I should! I should have a long time ago! You're stupid and naive and--"

Mick took him by the shoulders. "Hey, calm down, man," he said worriedly. "It's okay."

Josef took him by the front of his jacket. "No, wait, if I don't say this right now, you'll never hear it. I . . . " Josef exhaled, bowing his head. "I love you."

Mick drew a breath. "Wow. Just . . . wow. I don't know what to say about . . . about that."

"Oh, wait, I--" Josef gave a startled laugh. "Ha! I didn't mean it like-like _that_!"

"No, Josef, it's okay," Mick said quickly. "I know, I've read all the kitschy tales of bisexual debauchery, and the bonds between immortals, regardless of gender, and all that--"

"No!"

"No, I get it, really," Mick said in that overly-understanding manner people took when trying to cope with abnormality. "I mean, I thought that time back in the '90s was just a crazy accident, because you said it was, but now, I guess I see that it--"

"It _was_ an accident!" Josef insisted. "I didn't mean love in the way you think I did. No, really! Listen to me." He took Mick by the shoulders now, shaking him a bit. "I watched my family die hundreds of years ago. Since then, I never had anything that remotely resembled that kind of relationship."

The amusement and weirdness faded from Mick's face slowly, as he realized how sincere the man was.

"But ever since Coraline introduced us--" Josef sighed. "I disliked you. I did. You were naive, and possibly the worst vampire material I've seen in centuries."

"Thank you."

"But I still . . . I don't know." Josef moved away from him, running his hands through his hair. "I like you. You're like the annoying older brother I . . . never had."

"And slept with."

Josef pointed at him warningly. "Don't go there."

Mick just chuckled to himself, shaking his head. "Okay, okay, sorry."

Josef cocked his head questioningly, eyes lighting with a strange, lascivious light. "Unless you want me to go there? I mean, you _have_ read all the 'kitschy tales of bisexual debauchery', right?" He grinned more, grabbing onto Mick's shirt in a different way this time, feeling him through the material. "I know firsthand that you can handle yourself with a--"

"Don't _you_ go there," groaned Mick, breaking away from him. "Tell me you don't want a repeat of our--" He sort of cringed as he spoke the next words. "--our affair."

Josef crossed his arms and shrugged. "Well, ah, I figured since things didn't go so well with Beth--"

Mick turned on him angrily. "That doesn't mean I'm--"

"You're scared, I get it," Josef interrupted. "You saw what happens when a vampire loves a mortal. You know I haven't just been shooting off my mouth at you needlessly, like you always hoped I was. You know the truth now."

Mick looked at him, and Josef could tell the words cut deep. Nevertheless, they were necessary if Mick ever wanted to delve further into forbidden territory.

"Why do you think Beth left?"

Mick shut his eyes briefly, as if he had been struck. Although they were alone in an empty street, they could both feel the intense rush of city night life all around, breathe it in, smell it. It was a life they were not a part of.

"You've certainly moved on quickly," Mick told the man, fury lining his voice. "You jumped out the window, and what? You didn't even look back before you started throwing that hypocracy right back at me. Do you even care, Josef? Or was that all some kind of act?"

"Don't you dare--"

"An act to tear Beth and I apart?" Mick continued, advancing on him. "Maybe you really do want me back."

"You're making excuses!" Josef snapped. "You want my words to be tainted by bias, anything to keep it from being the truth! But it **is** the truth, Mick! It's the truth, and you have to accept that!"

Mick gave him a glare, but Josef could see the sadness of acceptance starting to moisten his eyes. Those eyes, so mortal, so scared . . . He fascinated Josef, always had; it was strange and beautiful to him that Mick retained such humanity even when he was less than even the animals of the world. He didn't want to hurt him, he hated playing the realist, but he had to. He wasn't the type to flatter imaginations, he never had been.

_Catch me as I fall  
Say you're here and it's all over now  
Speaking to the atmosphere  
No one's here and I fall into myself  
This truth drives me  
Into madness  
I know I can stop the pain  
If I will it all away_

Mick turned his back on his friend and started to leave down the street.

"So, that's it?" Josef called. "You're going to run away, like you always do?"

He gathered all his speed and appeared in front of Mick in a flash.

"You can run away from me, if I let you, but you can't run away from reality," he said. "I just don't want you to hurt."

"Then stop hurting me!" Mick yelled at him. "You think I haven't gone over this a thousand times in my mind?"

Josef's eyes widened.

"I have!" Mick shouted. "I watched her blossom into a beautiful, living woman! I _watched_, Josef! From a distance, the distance that has to be kept between us and them! And I never meant to cross that line, you know I didn't! But it doesn't matter!"

Josef turned his face, swallowing.

"Because she's here now, in my life," Mick said. "And you know what? I'm terrified. I am."

Josef bowed his head, lips tightening; he was not fond of being shouted at or argued with. He normally used his powers to stay away from emotion and pain altogether, but Mick never cared; he valued humanity too much to let Josef remain in his safe little glass house. Sometimes, Josef loved him for it.

"So don't you dare stand there and point out what I know is true to me," Mick said. "You have no right!"

Other times, he hated the man deeply for it.

"You know what? Fine. _Fine_," Josef replied sullenly. "Do whatever you want. But don't say I didn't warn you."

"Josef . . . "

Mick reached out to touch his shoulder, but the man had already vanished. Mick's hand fell to his side, and he sighed wearily. Up above on a fire escape, Josef wiped away the tears he had jumped off to hide from the man.

_Don't turn away  
(Don't give in to the pain)  
Don't try to hide  
(Though they're screaming your name)  
Don't close your eyes  
(God knows what lies behind them)  
Don't turn out the light  
(Never sleep never die)_

* * *

Josef returned to the apartment he kept, and sat at Sarah's bedside. He bowed his head, and his shoulders began to shake. It was nearly dawn, and his body began to long for the coldness of sleep. He had not eaten, and was weak. Still, he sat, and cried.

_We don't really have much tears, our bodies can't produce the fluid necessary to sob so wetly. Sometimes, blood runs from our eyes. Even our misery is grotesque._

Suddenly, a hand fell on his shoulder. Josef looked up in shock, and realized that Mick had followed him. The man was sympathetic, kind. He seemed to understand now, everything. It was frightening to have someone know him so well, but at the same time, it was refreshing.

_No one had looked **through** me like that in years. I didn't let them._

_Maybe I'm so cold because I actually feel more deeply than the others. Things . . . bother me. They hurt me. But I'm strong, a survivor, so I just brush them aside in front of everyone._

_Everyone but Mick._

Josef stood, and embraced him. Normally, Mick would have drawn back or pulled away, but tonight he didn't. He held him in his arms, let him cry into his shirt. It wasn't the first time. It wouldn't be the last.

Josef looked up at him, eyes searching Mick's, and he sounded very small and very vulnerable as he requested, "Hold me tonight. Would you?"

_Vamps don't have a reputation for being sensual beings for nothing._

Mick looked conflicted, but Josef didn't care. He leaned up and kissed him. Mick froze, but then kissed him back. His strong hands became hungrily grasping, and their bodies pressed against one another with raw, hot desire. Josef smiled and made a contented sound, starting to tear at Mick's clothes.

_We use sex more often than humans. That's only natural, since we don't have all the sad physical limitations the poor mortals do. Other than feeding, sex is the pinnacle of pleasure for us vampires._

They moved out of the room where Sarah slept, and Josef shut the door to it. He stared at the closed doors quietly for a moment, and then Mick wrapped his mouth around his neck.

_It's not that we're unfaithful savages. If Sarah were alive, I wouldn't cheat on her. And if Mick were **together** together with Beth, he wouldn't cheat on her, either._

They fell onto the sofa, knocking over a lamp and table as they did. Their motions were fast, powerful. Josef leaned his head back in ectasy, Mick over him as he had not been for years, and grinned, fangs beared, eyes going light.

_But I guess at that point, he wasn't with her._

_Which is a good thing, because I really needed him that night._

Mick bit down on his neck, and he shuddered, crying out just slightly. He did not like pain, but during sex, it heightened the pleasure, made him feel almost alive again. Of course, mortal sex was never quite this exhilerating . . .

_I'm frightened by what I see  
But somehow I know  
That there's much more to come  
Immobilized by my fear  
And soon to be  
Blinded by tears  
I can stop the pain  
If I will it all away_

_Truth is a funny, funny thing._

"I brought you something."

"Wh-what?"

Mick stopped, stroking the man's face, and reached down for his coat. He pulled out a blood bag and grinned. Josef laughed joyfully, reaching for it.

"I thought you might be hungry."

"Ahhh ha ha ha! You know me so well." He tore it open, sucking the life out of the bag, as Mick leaned down and kissed his chest. "Mmmm . . . now this is good. You must have paid a fortune."

"Yeah, well . . . you're worth it."

Josef lifted his eyes to him in surprise, and his face softened. He drew the bag away and they kissed, licking and biting for the snatches of blood that lingered on Josef's lips.

_It finds you, seeks you out. I was trying to make Mick see the truth that night, but I was the one that ended up realizing something._

_I love him. I always will. We could have sex a hundred more times or never again, and it wouldn't change a thing. We could never be together loyally and forever, true, but we didn't have to be: we were friends. In our world, that is even more precious and rare than partners or crushes. It means you know and trust one another completely. At the end of the day, after the passion and love and rollercoasters have passed, you still have that to rely on, to trust. And even though they're always saying love never dies, I know better. I've seen it die, and I could never trust it again, not in the romantic, idealized way._

The sun was beginning to peak in through the drapes, and the two slowed. They were on the floor, breathing heavily. No heartbeat between them. Josef kissed Mick's chest, not caring. He didn't want life, he wanted someone as dead as he was. Sometimes, nothing else would do. No human could ever bring the comforting strength another vampire could.

_I could tell Mick was thinking the same thing, and that it scared him. But hey, that's just how it is. There is always going to be 'us' and 'them'. And no matter how much we wish the differences could be reconciled . . . _

Josef's gaze wandered to the door to Sarah's room.

_They can't._

_Fallen angels at my feet  
Whispered voices at my ear  
Death before my eyes  
Lying next to me I fear  
She beckons me  
Shall I give in  
Upon my end shall I begin  
Forsaking all I've fallen for  
I rise to meet the end_

"It's dawn."

"I know." Josef looked up at Mick. "I have a . . . freezer here. It's big enough for two."

_I can tell he's shocked; it's uncomfortable and undesirable for vampires to sleep near one another. But there's one thing I hate more than discomfort, and that's feeling alone._

"Sure." Mick squeezed his shoulder. "Sure, why not?"

Josef smiled.

_I hardly ever get lonely, but when I do, it gets bad. We dream. And the dreams of someone with hundreds of years of pain can be . . . Well, let's just say it can be less than sweet dreams._

_He acts strong, but I know Mick doesn't want to be alone tonight, either. No way he would have gotten back in bed, so to speak, with me otherwise. Us and them . . . Yeah. Yeah, **now** he sees what I've only been hitting him over the head with all these years. Hey, it only took fifty, and my darkest secret, to boot! How about that?_

They stood, and Josef remained leaned against him. Mick looked at him, but Josef was unable to read his thoughts. Finally, Mick kissed him atop his head.

_Don't worry, Mick St. John. I know you're scared, but don't be. No matter what, I . . . I'll be here for you._

"I won't forget this, you know."

Mick gave him an uncertain smile; he was still not used to seeing Josef so emotionally naked.

"Just hear me out, because I'll be the ruthless prick I usually am by tonight," Josef said. "We'll have our differences and drive each other nuts over them. But . . . I won't forget you were here for me when I needed it."

"Josef, you don't have to--"

"And when you need me just as bad, I . . . I might be there."

"Very nice," Mick said cynically. "You make a promise and doom me at the same time. That's just so . . . so you, Josef."

"Ah, you love me anyway." Josef entered the kitchen, where the freezer was, dragging Mick by the hand. "_Right_?"

_Hell hath no fury like a vampire scorned. It was a mistake Mick was not about to repeat anytime soon._

"Of course, Josef. Of course."

They kissed.

_Fifty years . . . and here we are again. It's stupid to hope for anything. Stupid. But I can't help it. This isn't what I felt with Sarah, or what he feels with Beth, but . . . maybe that's just why it can survive. Maybe . . ._

_But Mick, you'll never know it, but you aren't the only one that's terrified._

* * *

The next night, when they awoke again, Mick said he was going back to LA. Josef planned to remain in New York just a couple days more, to read Sarah's diary. Or so he said. Honestly, he wasn't sure he was up to it.

"Are you sure you're going to be all right?" Mick asked for the hundredth time on his way to the door.

"Of course I am," Josef replied pompously. "Why wouldn't I be?"

After their intimate night, Mick gave him a very disbelieving look. Again, if they had blood, Josef would have blushed.

"I was hungry and depressed, it only happens about once every century," he said haughtily, crossing his arms.

"Right. You know, I'm not the one who always runs away from things that scare me," Mick pointed out, touching his cheek. "You should try just going with your feelings. It might make you a little more--"

"What? _Human_?" Josef suggested with a cynical grin.

"Never mind. You'll be fine." Mick tousled Josef's hair.

"Hey!"

"Take care of yourself."

Josef rolled his eyes, though he did not protest the kiss on the forehead. Mick gave him one last smile, and left.

Once he was gone, the anger faded from the vampire's face, and he smiled gently. "Yeah, you . . . too . . . "

But he quickly shook the afterglow of emotion away, lifting his head arrogantly. "Because we both know how lost you are without me."

Somehow, he knew Mick, with his long-range vampire hearing abilities, had heard him. And he thought he heard just a whisper of a response down the building floors beneath.

_"It goes both ways, Josef."_

Josef smiled a little, shaking his head.

_Doesn't everything?_

** End**


End file.
